Why am I doing this?

Why am I doing this?

I haven’t blogged for a while. My weight loss has been erratic losing and gaining the same few pounds each week. If I am being honest (and I always said I would be) I have struggled since getting injured in August. I have struggled to stay motivated. Struggled to stay focused. Found myself wondering why I am doing what I am doing? What is the point of continuing?

I have felt down. I have struggled with the feeling of worthlessness. Feeling that I am not good enough. These are thoughts that I have often struggled worth. I have been afraid that I am not needed, that I am not wanted. A lot of this stems from childhood and every now and then it resurfaces. The last few months have been like that. This combined with some difficulties that adoptive parents often face have come at once and well I had kind of accepted the lies in my head that I wasn’t worth it, that what would it matter if I stayed the same size. Could I do this? People wouldn’t miss me if I didn’t do what I do.

So the last week I have been ill with my asthma and been on steroids. When I weighed myself at home I had put on a few pounds and immediately said well that’s a gain this week. I accepted it. I didn’t fight it. I didn’t really want to fight for the loss. My mind was set to that of accepting it, and subconsciously that I wasn’t worth it.

So along to fat club I went and sure enough I had gained. I had a chat with my leader (it helps that she is a friend) and had a good chat. She pointed out a few things and asked why I hadn’t been blogging and that since I had stopped blogging my weight loss had been static. Grace also picked up on the fact that my mind-set had changed. In group we had a chat about what changes we wanted to make in the lead up to Christmas. I was in a group with Mrs B and as my boy comes along he was there as well. So as we discussed I slowly in my head started repeating some positive phases in my head.

I had to remember why I started the journey. To remember what has kept me motivated. Think of the challenges I have next year (first half marathon is just over 3 months away). I had a quick look at some old pictures, I had a look at the medals from the 4 races I have completed this year. I also choose that this was the time to draw a line under the last couple of months. To start believing in myself again. So why do I do this. Well simply because I am worth it and I want to be the best I can be. So if today you are struggling with your battle/journey whatever that may be then please remember why you started and that you are worth it.

 

Fatboygettingslim

#hopebubbles

#keepbelieving

 

Jonathan

 

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4 thoughts on “Why am I doing this?”

  1. I think in all honesty we all get to a point in our lives/weight loss journey, when we wonder “why the hell am I doing this”? Is it worth it? Am I worth it? Why can’t I just eat what I want and love myself….but then the reflection in the mirror says “lose weight fat bi#ch” stop standing in the shadows, get fitter, take control, don’t stuff your face with rubbish! Get your life sorted…Then when life throws you a curved ball, which it often does, your true worth comes shining thru, you step up to the plate, take control of difficult situations, become the rock that steadys the family…YES you are worth it, get back in the saddle, you have things to achieve…..keep going, we can only give up when the final curtain is drawn….

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  2. The catch 22 in this is less exercise=less positivity. The huge boost you get from completing a good run session is missing for you now and it’s hard to remember what felt good about it until you get going and moving along the right path. Try to think how you felt when you started losing weight and things were going the right way.

    When you lose a few pounds don’t let them come back. Check your diet/drinking. It’s too easy to grab the wrong food and allow weight to gain. Be disciplined.

    Get a bike and get riding. Less injury, more miles, better HR for burning fat. A bike is a great way to stay on target when running can cause injury as you’re getting the weight down. Running is awesome and I love it but a varied regime will help you stay healthy. Swimming is a big winner when it’s cold, wet and windy.

    You need to stay positive with the winter coming Nov/Dec/Jan can be the hardest months to stay motivated but don’t give up now. Be that guy out running when the weather is rubbish and everyone thinks “good effort”!

    I lost 24kg and now maintain my weight and BMI of 23 with plenty of running and cycling every week. It’s part of my life and I can’t ever imagine not doing something to stay fit. I get grumpy if I don’t have some physical exercise every couple of days as the endorphins released are addictive.

    Get back on it. You’ve only got one body, look after it and respect it.

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  3. Keep going please. Your blogs have been such an inspiration to me and inspired me. I am diabetic and have recently lost my first stone and, as a result my Dr has taken me off insulin as my blood sugars have dropped dramatically, What a result. So please have faith in yourself and realise that you are helping others too.

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