So as I am laying in bed with the mind a big foggy with hundreds of different things going through it I thought I should post a bit of an update. So on the whole I have had more good days than bad that doesn’t mean the good days have been perfect it just means that I’ve managed to stop the random horrible thoughts quickly and find a happy place in my brain.
There have been lots of happy places over the years from my football team Winning the non league Scottish cup to somehow achieving a degree when I missed a lot of my lectures due to loving student life and my life as a bouncer more than I loved studying or attending lectures that I knew in reality would be of very little use to me in real life to in more recent times supporting Lincoln City, not forgetting my wedding day, my first blind date with my now wife to seeing my son for the first time after only ever having seen one picture of him.
Now just because I’ve got these happy places it doesn’t mean they always work. There are some days where I don really want to see anyone and I just want to hide away. Times when the thought of seeing people and speaking to them fills me with dread (giving I talk for a living this can provide a challenge) so I desperately try find a happy place , a safe haven in my mind. Now sometimes it works others it just seems to make it worse. It is in this times that I am learning that I just need to keep going and focus on the fact that I will get through this that one bad day doesn’t stop me doing what I want to do. Sure it is difficult to sometimes to say that the reason I am quiet or quick to snap is actually i am trying to avoid speaking and explain down that my mind is like Christmas tree lights that always seem to get tangled from when we put them away to getting the following year.
If you are dealing with mental health issues can i please encourage you to keep going and to not bottle things up.