So, it has been a while since I last posted. In fact it’s been nearly 5 months. A lot has happened in that time and there is still a lot happening.
Life as always carries on. I am still having regular CBT sessions but am nearly at the end. I decided in March/April that I was feeling a lot better and didn’t need my “happy pills”, wow! What a mistake that turned out to be; especially as I didn’t tell anyone and I crashed big time. However, it did teach me a valuable lesson or two. 1. Just because I’ve had a couple of good days doesn’t mean I’m cured. 2. There is still a need to keep talking with those around me. 3. You get into trouble from your Doctor and CBT worker when you fess up!
A lot of people recently have asked me âAre you sorted now?â
This is not an easy question to answer, as when I am having a good day I can answer yes quickly and I appear confident but even on those days I can get struck with anxiety. Sometimes about things I have done hundreds of times before such as travelling to London for work, or walking the dogs. Other days I can’t answer, as I genuinely don’t know how to. You see I don’t think that I will ever be able to say that I am sorted. I may well be able to say that I am sortedâ¦..at least for that day.
Often when I respond to that question I get some funny looks as they (whoever has asked the question) may have seen me playing pool at work (great for stress relief!!) or taking photos at an event or generally just out and about. This is perhaps one of the biggest things that I find myself getting frustrated about. What I have learnt to have is some strategies to try and help me cope.
A couple of weeks ago a blog I follow posted a story about Lincoln City Player, Nathan Arnold who was holding an evening to talk about his struggles with anxiety. It was with a bit of trepidation I walked the short walk from my house to the ground; a walk I’ve done hundreds of times. Who would be there? Would some of them be there for a laugh? Would I be made to speak? Would I cope with what might be discuss that evening. I knew one person there, as they had written the blog and we had previously exchanged some emails. I won’t go into the details of what was said by the speaker that night. There were a lot of helpful things to take away. During a video clip some words came up they said âThey see impossible I see I’m possible.â
I want to finish with the words I have just written above, those words tie in with what I believe in my faith (if you don’t believe in God or faith that’s fine feel free to skip the next couple of lines) you see God says that He believes in me and that I can do all things through Christ Jesus who strengthens me. (Philippines 4:13)
When things seem Impossible and people say âAww you won’t get betterâ or some other off the cuff remark please remember I’M POSSIBLE