Why Was I Fat?

Why was I fat?

I could have called this blog why am I fat however I have chosen the word was for a couple of reasons.

  1. Positive thinking – I believe that by thinking positively it changes the mind set and helps to move on
  2. Why live in the past? If you constantly live in the past you won’t be in the present nor experience the future

What got me thinking about this was a recent story about me that a newspaper ran (which I didn’t know about) and a comment that someone left which said “why did he eat all that crap?” Well there are 2 answers to why was I fat? I am going to be honest here and even those close to me don’t know what a lot of this blog will say but I believe it is important to be honest and I hope that by being honest it will help someone know that they are not alone and that there is hope and you can win this fight.

First of all yes, I did eat a lot of wrong food; to often. At university I pretty much lived off takeaways especially in my student house, a lot of the time away from my housemates who all had their boyfriend or girlfriend round so instead of being a gooseberry I retreated. Or when I had finished working on the doors of pubs and clubs at 2.30/3.00 am I would have a curry. Looking back I didn’t see much wrong with what I was doing. However with hindsight I can now see the damage I was doing to my body. Alongside this I would secret eat; so if I nipped to the shop I would have a bag of crisps on the way home and often stash food in my room or if my mum sent me to get tea from the chip shop I would have a potato fritter/scallop on the way home. This is by no means exhaustive but you get the picture hopefully.

The main reason was comfort. I found comfort in food. Food didn’t judge me, food made me feel better, it made me feel happy although with the benefit of hindsight it was short lived, so I was in the cycle of eating more to keep the brief high of happiness but it was also numbed the pain. The pain of not growing up in the perfect family (my mum and dad split up when I was 2 or 3) it numbed the pain of being bullied at school which got so bad alongside all the issues you work through going up and also for many years believing it was my fault my parents had separated I had to see the educational phycologist. That was my escape and something which carried on when my mum’s job moved her down to England and I knew no one and found it difficult to settle in at 6th form, so I ate as comfort and discovered my love for kebabs and curry’s. I had fallen into the trap of believing that I wasn’t good enough, that no one really cared and what did it matter. Sure people said I was killing myself but I honestly didn’t care.

Over the years especially since I began this journey with a determination I have realised that yes food is my friend but the correct food, good old fashioned home cooked food without the rubbish that gets added to it at the fast food places. (Yes I still enjoy the odd take away.) But I also learned how to love myself and once I had done that and truly grasped hold of it my relationship with food changed. So that’s why I was fat, now I am on my journey to a new me, a journey I enjoy and a journey I hope you will share with me. So tonight if you feel food is your escape or that you are not loved and no one likes you, or you are not worth worrying about then remember this- YES YOU ARE I KNOW YOU ARE FANTASTIC AND YOU CAN DO IT.

Fatboygettingslim

Jonathan

I found Lucy

Lucy has been found.

Tonight’s blog is going to be short and to provide a quick update, I can say that after Lucy came forward I got in her touch with her as she requested. Various messages were exchanged and we arranged to meet. Lucy was blown away with what has happened as am I. We chatted for a good hour but it felt like we had known each other for longer. I was able to thank her for her kindness and give her some flowers as a small token of my appreciation.

What has totally blown me away is that Lucy was so humble about it all. She didn’t think she had done anything special that all she had done was to encourage me. Well what I want to say is that Lucy has done a lot more than that. By her simple act of kindness a lot of people have been impacted.

I have set myself the personal challenge of saying one nice thing to someone that I don’t know as often as possible but at least once a day. It would be great if we would all do that. If you do this then please do let me know either through here on the blog or on face book either on my page fatboygettingslim or profile fatboygetting slim.

Have a great Sunday.

Fatboygettingslim

 

Jonathan

We are all called Lucy

We are all called Lucy.

Please forgive me for not only the cryptic title of this post but also as I am going to jump a good few months in fact from November 2013 to this morning. I had planned on a long run this morning but my body wanted sleep so I had an extra hour in bed. When I got up I really didn’t fancy running but in the end with the dog looking at me and running to the front door I decided to go.

There is nothing special about today. I woke up feeling tired not wanting to run but knowing that I needed to go and get my fix to clear my head and have my ‘me’ time. So a short run was started only 3k was planned. As I got to the half way stage I noticed that stuck onto the black box beside a set of traffic lights was a note. I was curious but thought it would be for a lost dog or cat. As I got closer I could see in big writing ‘BLOOD CANCER’ ‘ok!’ I thought…. I wear a beat blood cancer top could this be for me? I quickly dismissed that thought but as I was a foot or so away I noticed more writing.

‘To the guy with the run for BLOOD CANCER t-shirt and the dogs please read this letter J’

I will admit I started panicking and thinking who have I upset? What have I done wrong? Then I noticed the smiley face. I took a picture to prove I wasn’t going mad and quickly sent it to Mrs B and a good friend to say I’ve just found this. They both replied open it!! I was going to wait until I got back but then wondered if it is a nasty letter I don’t want Mrs B or my son seeing me upset. So I opened it. I started reading. Yes I will confess I started to cry. This had to be one of the nicest things I have ever encountered. I had a burning question though. Who is Lucy and how can I find her?!!

So what did the letter say I can hear you all wonder?

“To the guy with the ‘run for Blood Cancer t-shirt’,

Every morning I drive past you and your lovely little dogs at 6.15am on my way to work and I just wanted to let you know that I think you are awesome.

I wish I had your determination and I hope that you don’t mind me saying – the pounds are just melting off you.

I’ve got a new job now so won’t see you, but you are looking great – keep running.

Keep Running

Lucy xxx”

So I took to Facebook and posted it on my page and asked friends to share. I posted it on The Lincolnite page and The Lincolnshire Echo page. Quickly The Lincolnite got in touch to do a piece on this http://thelincolnite.co.uk/2015/08/lincolns-fundraising-slimmer-searches-for-lucy-after-touching-letter/ I was getting constant notifications of shares by random strangers, lots of kind comments and hundreds of likes.

What struck me is how many people said it was great and what Lucy had done has restored their faith in humanity. I have no idea how many people have been touched, inspired or motivated by my story today but I had someone shout from the pub to keep going tonight after the asked ‘were you the guy on the internet today?’

So I want to finish with a question and a challenge.

Please help me find Lucy who is from Lincoln or nearby? The challenge is why don’t we all be like Lucy? It doesn’t have to be every day, nor does it need to be sticking a letter for someone to find on South Park by the traffic lights at Bishop King Primary School. It could be a quiet word to say well done. It could be to get a colleague a coffee or tea. Believe me it will make a huge difference.

To all those who are on the same journey and to those who maybe struggling with weight loss or any other issue. Please keep going you inspire so many people you just don’t realise.

Be Lucy. Make a difference.

#Fatboyslim

Jonathan

IMG-20150806-01439photo

Fail to Plan, Plan to Fail

First Weigh In – ‘Fail to plan, plan to fail’

 

So before I get onto a blog about starting to run the first challenge I faced was waiting 2 weeks for my first weigh in. I had to wait for 2 weeks as the first Saturday I was at a conference, in lovely Chester, with work. This involved long train journeys and lovely hotel food and the dreaded buffet at the social event. Whilst I was looking forward to the conference I was worried about how I would cope with the food and not being at home.

So what could I do? Did I go with the attitude of well what will be will be? Did I give in to the voice in my head that I have given into so many times of ‘you will never do it’ ‘you are not good enough’ ‘you are worthless’ NO! I decided to go with the attitude I will and I can do this. I needed a plan. A saying I once heard was ‘Fail to plan, plan to fail’ So with this in mind I checked out the hotel menu and focused on what I could eat, I also knew where I could get some ‘good’ treat food so I searched for where the shop was near the hotel so I could stock up when I got there.

So the 2 weeks came and went, the weekend away was survived although I had a few wobbles. So weigh day came and time to go to. I was nervous but in I went. I kept myself to myself and didn’t say much which for those that know me will find it hard to believe. It was my turn. As it was my first weigh in I had to weigh with the leader. I thought I had been good and stuck to the plan but still the doubts persisted, the negative voices in my head repeating what I had believed for so many years, the cutting words of those who bullied me at school. Drum roll the numbers went fast but were a whole 10lbs lower than my first time on the scales. Was I happy? You bet!! Did I believe this would work? Not really, but a little bit of self belief came back that day.

I knew though I had to plan otherwise I was planning to fail. Over the next few weeks I learnt to meal plan, I learnt to write it down, cook fresh again (mainly thanks to Mrs B) learnt new flavours and recipes and started learning to stop when full not finish everything on the plate and everyone else’s.

 

Fatboygettingslim

 

Jonathan

The Story so far

First of all welcome to my blog and thanks for taking time to read it. I intend to blog about my weight loss journey and also my running journey and who knows a few other things as well. These may be things that come to me as I run.

 

So why write a blog well I have been inspired by a few blogs out there and after asking a few people they said I should. Not only that is when I look at various blogs out there and also diet magazines there is very little written from a man’s perspective. I want to be honest about how it feels to be an overweight man and the battles and emotions that I and others like me face.

 

So to start I thought I would share my story so far. So in the summer of 2013 I had to go for my yearly asthma check up. I could tell the nurse was not happy with my peak flow despite my explanation that I had also blown a low result. I was told to visit the other surgery for a lung capacity check and then told I had to be referred for an x-ray. When I phoned up to make the appointment they asked me to attend straight away. Well this set alarm bells ringing. What do have they not told me? What do I tell Mrs B? So off I went and a few weeks later I chased up the Dr to be told I needed more tests so my Sunday appointment came round and ECG and another test where carried out. The results were all fine apart from some excess fat around the heart. This was no surprise as well I was no bean pole. I realised then I had a choice. A choice to live and watch my 5 year old grow up or a choice to be dead within a few years.

 

I decided life. This was my moment and I decided to take it with both hands. I knew I was big but nothing prepared me for standing on the scales for the first time. Sure I had tried diets and weight loss programmes before in fact for over 20 years I had tried everything going but it never lasted. This time I was determined and repeat to myself most days I will and I can do this. I got a referred to Weightwatchers for 12 weeks and the Saturday I walked into class for the first time was daunting. I was not prepared for how heavy I was. As I stepped on the scales and watched the numbers go up into the teens and then rapidly through the 20’s I felt like running out and crying but I knew I had to stand and face the truth. After what felt like hours the numbers stopped and well I wasn’t far of 31st. I was mortified and all the negative words that had been said to me over the yeas came rushing back. The name calling and bullying at school. The barriers I put up through my life all came back up. I could feel denial mode coming but quickly gave myself a slap to say no I will do this I am fatboygettingslim. I decided that my statement of intent would be #fatboygettingslim. I made the decision that I would get there no matter how long it takes I will be #fatboywhogotslim

 

I will pick up on my next blog about how I found those first few weeks and don’t worry my story about running will be posted soon as well.

 

I will continue the story of my journey to today another day as it is late and I plan an early morning run.

 

Jonathan

Aka #fatboygettingslim